I’m glad I’ve had this time away from the computer…

I recently had surgery. I’ve been laid up for 2 weeks. I haven’t been able to sit down for these 2 weeks.Even just sitting down, on my ass, and being able to lean back…I miss it. While I’m feeling alone and vulnerable…I might as well unload.

I fucked up my senior year in highschool. BAD. I skipped SOOOO much school and now because of it, I have to take summer school. I’m still able to walk at graduation but I’m not going to get my actual diploma til later than everyone else. I feel disappointed in myself and I know everyone else does too. I’m better than this. I’m chewing again…which isn’t good. I’m self-destructive and I can’t help it. I’m so stressed out and I threw out the one person I thought would love me and be by my side for life. I still love her and I just got done tumblr-stalking her and I saw all these posts about this new guy and how she wanted to have sex with him and how she’s so happy. How she wants to have a “summer romance” with him….this is slowly eatting at me. I can feel it. I love her so much and I would give anything to have things be like they were. I hate how we are now.

But on the other side, we’re no good for eachother. I do something to piss her off and then, in turn, she just ends up pissing me off. And the hypocrisy that she deals out. She can smoke, I can’t. She can talk to other guys, I can’t talk to other girls. I hang out with another girl, she thinks I’m having sex with them, yet when she hangs out with another guy, it’s all fine with me…even with EVERYTHING that we went through before. She cheated on me with my bestfriend and I was still ok with her hanging out with other guys. How fucked up is that? When I heard myself say “I’m done with you.”, it was like I wasn’t even saying it. It was like I was somewhere else and my body was acting on it. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe that I had actually said that. She texted me a couple times after that with some random shit but that was the last time we seriously spoke. Babygirl…I miss you. Please tell me, you miss me too. I still love you and I want you home. I want to hold you and know that everything’s ok. I want to kiss you and hug you and cuddle with you and laugh with you and go out with you and hang out with friends with you. I want to be able to call you mine. What happened to us…? The thoughts of you haunt me…I can’t tell you how many times you cross my mind and how many nights I’ve laid awake because I kept thinking of you. Or how many times I’ve woken up from dreams, crying, because you were in them. Yes, I get jealous. Yes, I’m an idiot. Yes, I’m stupid sometimes. Yes, I’m self-destructive. Yes, I’m fucked up. But I thought you were the one that accepted me. The one that loved me. I can’t believe how fast you’ve moved on to someone else. I’m stuck here…alone and losing my mind. I love you so much Sarah! Please…love me too.

Thank god I see my therapist tomorrow. These tears won’t stop…

Thanks to anyone who read this whole thing…

4 weeks ago  /  0 notes

Reblog if you’ll answer sex related questions, no matter how naughty or revealing.

bobcat27:

Yis

(via loveshmeg21)

1 month ago  /  5,685 notes  /  Source: oatsnstuff

I don’t care.

Just one time in my life I wanna date a girl like Kat Von D. Covered in piercings and tattoos. I want to find a girl that has tats covering a majority of her body, pierced ears, tongue, lip, nipples, just piercings everywhere. It’s so sexy and makes me want it more. If I could ever find a girl like that…oh my god. I’d seriously jizz myself. Just everywhere.

1 month ago  /  0 notes

The idea of my daughter going out with a guy like me…SCARES THE SHIT OUTTA ME!!

1 month ago  /  1 note

The shit I do…

1 month ago  /  0 notes

I love you. More than you’ll ever believe. Just one more chance…I’ll prove myself. That last 10% is all I need. I won’t do it again. Just one last chance. I love you with all my heart Babygirl. You’ll always be my Babygirl, no matter what. I can’t even imagine saying it for anyone else. We’ll be ok. I promise. Love me til the end of time and I’ll do the same. I love you so much. Forgive me…

1 month ago  /  0 notes