"Abuse It Til It Breaks!"

God damn. It’s been forever since I’ve even been on a computer. Tumblr is a refreshing start to the internet lol

And again, I’ll answer ANYTHING.

I’ll answer ANY question.

Theres no step teams or anything man…it sucks.

I wish for that shit…

The first couple nights in the dorms have actually been pretty good. I get along great with my roommate and my suite-mates. Yeah, it kinda sucks having to share a bathroom with 3 other guys but eh, it’s whatever. It’s actually been fun. Found people to toss the frisbee around with, found people to smoke with, found people to drink with. So far, a great start.

Class isn’t even as bad as I thought. Yeah it sucks having to get up at the same time I did for highschool but it’s nothing like highschool. Everyone here is actually mature and grown up and respects eachother. You’ll find an ignorant meat-head here and there but not to often. Everyone gets along and helps eachother, instead of clique-ing and ignoring everyone else. I think I’m REALLY going to like college. A hell of alot more than highschool.

I recently had surgery. I’ve been laid up for 2 weeks. I haven’t been able to sit down for these 2 weeks.Even just sitting down, on my ass, and being able to lean back…I miss it. While I’m feeling alone and vulnerable…I might as well unload.

I fucked up my senior year in highschool. BAD. I skipped SOOOO much school and now because of it, I have to take summer school. I’m still able to walk at graduation but I’m not going to get my actual diploma til later than everyone else. I feel disappointed in myself and I know everyone else does too. I’m better than this. I’m chewing again…which isn’t good. I’m self-destructive and I can’t help it. I’m so stressed out and I threw out the one person I thought would love me and be by my side for life. I still love her and I just got done tumblr-stalking her and I saw all these posts about this new guy and how she wanted to have sex with him and how she’s so happy. How she wants to have a “summer romance” with him….this is slowly eatting at me. I can feel it. I love her so much and I would give anything to have things be like they were. I hate how we are now.

But on the other side, we’re no good for eachother. I do something to piss her off and then, in turn, she just ends up pissing me off. And the hypocrisy that she deals out. She can smoke, I can’t. She can talk to other guys, I can’t talk to other girls. I hang out with another girl, she thinks I’m having sex with them, yet when she hangs out with another guy, it’s all fine with me…even with EVERYTHING that we went through before. She cheated on me with my bestfriend and I was still ok with her hanging out with other guys. How fucked up is that? When I heard myself say “I’m done with you.”, it was like I wasn’t even saying it. It was like I was somewhere else and my body was acting on it. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe that I had actually said that. She texted me a couple times after that with some random shit but that was the last time we seriously spoke. Babygirl…I miss you. Please tell me, you miss me too. I still love you and I want you home. I want to hold you and know that everything’s ok. I want to kiss you and hug you and cuddle with you and laugh with you and go out with you and hang out with friends with you. I want to be able to call you mine. What happened to us…? The thoughts of you haunt me…I can’t tell you how many times you cross my mind and how many nights I’ve laid awake because I kept thinking of you. Or how many times I’ve woken up from dreams, crying, because you were in them. Yes, I get jealous. Yes, I’m an idiot. Yes, I’m stupid sometimes. Yes, I’m self-destructive. Yes, I’m fucked up. But I thought you were the one that accepted me. The one that loved me. I can’t believe how fast you’ve moved on to someone else. I’m stuck here…alone and losing my mind. I love you so much Sarah! Please…love me too.

Thank god I see my therapist tomorrow. These tears won’t stop…

Thanks to anyone who read this whole thing…

bobcat27:

Yis

Just one time in my life I wanna date a girl like Kat Von D. Covered in piercings and tattoos. I want to find a girl that has tats covering a majority of her body, pierced ears, tongue, lip, nipples, just piercings everywhere. It’s so sexy and makes me want it more. If I could ever find a girl like that…oh my god. I’d seriously jizz myself. Just everywhere.